You always hurt the ones you love
by bibi 13ca
Summary: Something Elena said last episode got stuck in my head and mixed with my frustration on how they chose to deprave Elena of her humanity. Just a little one shot starting with the last few minutes of the episode and just a little bit of an after...


**N: This is a random, not beta-ed, no plot, no development kind of thing that I felt compelled to write for some unknown reason. I do hope you'll enjoy it though and take the time to write me a few words, maybe tell me what you envisioned Elena switch off would happen.**

**Please forgive the mistakes!**

**For those interested, "Lucky 13" will be updated sometime by the end of next week.**

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**He makes me want to feel**

Elena kneeled in the middle of the living room and picked up a framed picture from the floor. She stared at it as if she was seeing it for the first time and she was trying to make sense of it. The room was quite, like it froze in place waiting for everyone in it to be ready and move on. The smell of hard liquor was thick, especially for the heightened senses of those present in the room, but it didn't seem to bother anyone.

Caroline's tiny hand was still covering her dry mouth and transparent tears were shining in her blue-green eyes. The only time Caroline remembers feeling so useless and lost was when Tyler bit her and Klaus ended up with an invitation into her home in order to cure her. She had no idea how to react, what to say or what to do. Elena was her best friend and she wanted to help, but she had no clue what she could do that would make a difference. Her father's death and Tyler's mother came to her mind. She had Tyler and Matt, Bonnie, Elena and her mother by her side to help her cope with losing her father. Tyler had Matt, Jeremy and her … it didn't help him much, but she liked to believe it made a difference. She only hoped Elena was strong enough to get over yet another death, yet another member of her family who died at the hand of a supernatural entity. Witnessing Elena losing it scared Caroline, but she reminded herself that Elena was strong; stronger than anyone else she knew.

Slowly, Caroline rolled her eyes around the room that seemed too empty, sounded too quiet and smelled too much like death. She spotted Stefan in the doorway looking like he as waiting to be invited in. Of course, Caroline knew better. The reason Stefan was keeping his distance was on the opposite side on the room: Damon. Damon was the closest to Elena – physically at least. None of them were moving, afraid that the slightest move might disturb the broken girl who was still as a tricked in the same spot as ten minutes ago. From what Caroline's extra sensitive senses could pick, Elena stopped crying. She didn't know yet if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. People have different ways of grieving. Elena's way up until now was to hold on to the people she had left, to hold on to her brother, who was now lying on the couch, lifeless, wrapped in a blacked, his body all cold… no blood coloring his skin, no heartbeat to fill in the somber silence in the room and no heat radiating around him. The person who, up until now, had been keeping Elena from total breakdown, the person she loved most in the entire world, the person she had made the center of her little universe, was now gone.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this," Elena whispered and Caroline finally removed her hand from her mouth just to gasp for the air she didn't need. She watched as Elena let go of the frame after pulling out the picture and ripped it apart right in the middle, separating the two people in it.

The brothers exchanged a look that Caroline didn't understand and Stefan was the one to first approach Elena. He was moving slowly, like he was walking towards a wounded wild animal – and in a way he was. By the time he reached her, she already threw the picture in the fireplace. She turned around just as slowly as she was approached, but she didn't look at Stefan. Caroline noticed that there were some dry tears on her cheeks, but no new ones in her eyes. Actually, she looked like all life had been sucked out of her, she looked empty.

"Damon," Stefan called in an alarmed tone that made Caroline pay attention. "You have to do something," he went on. He grabbed Elena's hand, but she didn't seem to notice the gesture.

Damon didn't have to be told what was happening. He knew. He could feel that something was wrong. Just how many bad things could happen to a person like Elena and still be standing? Her break down was bound to happen sooner or later and Damon knew that better than anyone. First he had lost his mother and his father with her, then the love of his life, his brother and his humanity with them. Yes, he knew how it felt and he knew that until Elena will find someone that way he found her, she would stay lost. He approached Elena; ready to do what was necessary knowing damn well it wouldn't work. But he had to try, because when it came to her, he always had to try. Try to be a better man, try to care, try to fight the demon inside…all he could do was try.

"She's gone; Damon you have to do something, she's turning it off," Stefan finally gave words to what they were all thinking. Caroline knew in that moment that Damon, in the damned sire bond were the only things that might save her friend. Elena Gilbert, the most human person Caroline had ever met was about to turn off her humanity. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it all meant, but she knew enough about vampires who have turned off their humanity to know it wasn't good.

"Yes, let's fix Elena!" Elena spoke loud and clear, her voice did not shake and did not betray any emotions. "Poor Elena has mommy and daddy issues, poor Elena always wants to sacrifice herself for the sake of others, poor Elena has lost every single member of her family, poor Elena has trouble adapting, poor Elena got sired to her maker…poor Elena, poor Elena! All this is giving me a headache."

By the time Elena finished her little speech Damon got by her side, replacing Stefan. He stroked her arm and took her hand in his. Gently, he brushed her hair aside, making Elena's head turn towards him.

Caroline did not like Damon. If something was an understatement that was one. She just couldn't find in her heart to forgive and forget everything Damon did to her. Also, Stefan was her friend and supporting what was happening between the elder Salvatore and Elena would've felt like betrayal against Stefan. But in that moment, despite her dislike of Damon, she couldn't help by be touched by his gentleness, by the adoration, mixed with love, fear and pain showing in his eyes.

"Elena," he whispered her name, but it didn't seem to have much of an effect of her friend. She was not looking at Damon; she was somehow looking past him. There was nothing there. That palpable connection that everyone around them seemed to notice was no longer there.

"You have to fix it. It's Elena we're talking about, this can't be what she wants," Stefan urged.

"And what exactly do you want me to do, Brother?" Damon asked. His voice was calm, but firm and Caroline understood. Damon had been accused of taking advantage of the sire bond between him and Elena. However, no matter how much she wanted to support Stefan, or how against Damon she was, she didn't actually believe he did.

"Use the sire bond; don't let her turn it off!" Stefan almost yelled. He took a step back, because Elena gaze moved from his brother to him. Her hand remained in Damon's hand and she made no move to change that. Caroline took that as a good sign. Maybe her friend could be saved from herself after all.

"Hey," Damon murmured to get her attention. As predicted, Elena turned her attention back to him. "We'll get through this, we'll survive, we always survive," Damon decided that the best way to reach Elena would be to use familiar words, to remind her of their bond. Not the sire bond, but the natural bond that had formed between them after everything they had been through. "Don't do that, don't let go of your humanity. Don't turn it off, please, for me. That's what would make me happy."

A moment of silence took over the room. Caroline shifted her weight from one foot to another without taking her eyes off Elena. The reaction Elena had was the last thing any of them were expecting. She laughed. Not a real laugh, but not a fake on either. It was sort of impersonal and gave Caroline and Stefan chills. "So I guess we broke the sire bond," she said with a smile, only, she seemed the only one to find anything remotely funny in that statement. To everyone's surprise she walked towards Stefan. "Isn't that great?" she asked looking at Damon over her shoulder. Sarcasm was noticeable in her voice. "You want to know what I think?" she asked no one in particular. "I think he is the reason it took my so long to let go. You should be thrilled Stefan. After all, you were the one ready to sacrifice everything just to fix "poor Elena" from the sire-bond."

The brothers looked at one another, communicating their fears with no words necessary. It was too late. Elena managed to let go of her feelings and her feelings were all that kept the sire-bond in place. No feelings, no sire bond, no sire bond no way to change anything. "Are you proud, Stefan?" she asked with a smile, but got no answer.

"Elena," Caroline was the one that broke the silence a few minutes later. Elena turned around to look at the blonde vampire. She looked so much like Katherine it scared Caroline. She was not used to see her friend so emotionless, so detached from everything, it wasn't her.

"Oh, Caroline, I forgot you were here. I guess you must be really happy too. You hated the idea of Damon and me almost as much as Stefan did. It's quite funny though since you were the one that pushed me to admit my feelings for him in the first place. Well, we can get back to that later, there's something I have to do." With that she walked slowly towards the fire place. She grabbed a pack of matches, lit one and stared at it until the fire reached her fingers, only then she let it fall on the floor. "There," she mumbled as if she just took care of a chore.

**A few months later**

"Can I have a word?" Stefan asked as he entered the living room at the Boarding house knowing full well Elena heard him before he started to talk.

"Have a sentence even," Elena turned around. She smiled at him, poured a drink in a square shaped glass and let herself fall on the sofa.

Stefan remained quiet for a few minutes. He watched Elena swallow her drink gulp by gulp. She reminded him so much of Katherine lately – or how he imagined Katherine would be like if she wasn't an evil manipulative bitch. Crazy bitch or not, she had always had something…a certain elegance and awareness that Stefan was ashamed to admit, but found it quite charming.

"Stefan, you still there?" Elena waved her hand. "You wanted to talk."

"Yes, sorry, I just," he paused. "I don't really know how to talk to this new you," he admitted.

"Oh come on Stefan! We talked plenty since it happened. In case you didn't notice, we spent a lot of time together."

"That's the thing. You spend time with me, with Caroline, Bonnie, even Meredith. The only person you're avoiding is Damon. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, to ask you why."

"I'm not avoiding Damon; we live in the same house –"

"Exactly, and still somehow you manage to avoid him. Every time there's an event you take me, you leave the moment he comes home and you avoid the places he might be."

"I thought you'd be happy about that." Elena crossed her legs, a gesture that Stefan took a sign that she was no longer as comfortable as she wanted to seem.

"Elena!"

"I'm not avoiding him."

"Yes you are and I want to know why. I need to know why," he got close to her as she stood from the couch.

Elena took a step back, but Stefan followed. She couldn't answer him, not because Damon could hear her, because she knew he couldn't. He wasn't home, if he would've been home, she wouldn't have been there. The reason was simple: she couldn't admit it to herself.

"I can't…"

"You can't what? Elena talk to me," Stefan begged.

"I can't feel; I don't want to feel. I can't be around Damon because…because, he makes me want to feel!" she yelled and then all that filled the room was silence.


End file.
